"Aw, geez, why are they always flashing that thing in my eyes? And when I've just woken up, too. What fresh hell are they going to visit upon me today?"
"That guy who's always around (I think his name is Daddy) has the black-thing-that-flashes-in-my-eyes in front of his face again. Ho, hum, just another day..."
That's where you'd be wrong, Aizay. It's baby's first Christmas! Says so right on this here ornament.
"Holy smokes, is that tree radioactive or something? Should we be this close?"
"Okay, I think I get how this works. Santa comes and drops off all these tightly wrapped things called presents, which are really hard to get into unless you're at least 1 year old. Then every sits around a Christmas tree which is decorated so gaudily that to look at it is to risk burning out your retinas. Then everyone unwraps the presents, after which we all eat the wrapping paper."
"A new sweater. Great. It's not as cool as Mommy's velutinous purple housedress, however. "
"Since Daddy is constantly leaving the lights on in the car and having to call AAA, his present will be very useful. His beard's getting out of control, though...let's hope he finds the box that contains his beard trimmer soon."
"Daddy thinks Boobah might be the scariest show ever to grace public television...but he confesses that it is fascinating to watch. Let's hope it doesn't warp my mind..."
"As you can tell from Mommy's expression, she really needs this book so she can get some sleep. I, however, am more interested in coating it with saliva."
"Hot damn, I've been hoping for some of this! It burns, I tell ya."